Somalilandsun – The Wedding Night is the first night that a man and a woman come together as husband and wife. It is not a normal night to the bride or to the groom. It is the most important night for couple’s marital life. Failing to watch or observe the moral principles in this night can have a long-lasting negative impact on the marriage. Both spouses should remember that they are completely starting a new life. Naturally, they are both nervous and anxious because it is a night when two people who lived in two different worlds meet together. At the same time, they are excited and eager to get to know each other to start a marital life with happiness. It is important for both the husband and wife to try their best to make matters for them easy. They should treat each other with extreme gentleness, tenderness, and compassion.
Every lady feels preoccupied or shy at the first night of the wedding. Of course, it is a very important event for a young lady to be together with a man for the first time, to separate from her family in which she found shelter for many years, and to enter a new family life. At that time, she is in need of the man’s wide wings of kindness and love.
A woman usually does not forget the man whom she meets on the first night of her marriage. If the woman experiences pleasurable excitements at the first night, if she is shown love, patience, politeness, and a broad understanding, she feels grateful to the man all her life. This first experience is an unforgettable memory for women.
To overcome the shyness, preoccupations, and fears of her, the groom should behave kindly, politely, and tenderly toward his new wife and should treat her with love and compassion. He should prepare his spouse psychologically for the relationship giving her confidence and explaining to her that her preoccupations and fears are groundless and encouraging her to speak too. He should know that his new spouse is in much need of receiving his love and compassion and of hearing his compliments. The groom should show a sincere closeness to his new wife without ever pressuring and forcing her and should try to lessen her timidity. It is natural that the bride feels shy to speak to him normally on the first night of the wedding. The groom should continue sincere talk and closeness to enter her heart gradually knowing that it is normal for the lady to listen silently and to answer now and then with a short response.
The lady, on her part, should also share the excitement and love with her new husband and should submit herself to him naturally and willingly. She should understand that sexual intimacy is a duty and part of human creation and she should remember the wisdom of it to overcome groundless fears and preoccupations. A normal woman may first behave shy in order to tempt her husband’s desire but, actually and naturally, she likes to be conquered by him without resistance, a conquering with politeness, patience, and delicacy. When the intimate touch is successfully performed, the man should share his feelings of happiness with his wife and offer his thanks praying for the lifelong continuation of their happiness.
When the newly married couple enter their bedroom for the first time, they greet each other with the traditional Islamic greeting. Then, the husband places his right hand on the forehead of his new wife and recites the following supplication:
Abdullah Bin Amr (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated: The Prophet said: “When anyone of you gets a new wife, let him take hold of the forehead and say: “O Allah! I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that she is inclined towards, and I seek refuge with You from the evil to which she is inclined to.” [Source of Hadeeth: Sunan Abu Dawud and Sunan Ibn Majah].
For practical purposes, any prayer (dua’) that refers to women in a specific way can also be inverted to refer to men. In this case, the prayer is also applicable to the groom as eagoodness of the other. Thus, it is perfectly permissible and acceptable for a woman to make a similar dua about her husband. The wife may also recite the same above prayer when she sees her husband for the first time by saying: “O Allah! I ask You for the goodness within him and the goodness that he is inclined towards, and I seek refuge with You from the evil to which he is inclined to.”
The reason behind this supplication is that all human beings, with the exception of prophets (Peace be upon them), are subjected to the whispering of the Satan and have a natural inclination for evil, and so the couple is encouraged to pray for the good in each other. The supplication does not mean that one’s spouse (male or female) is evil but is just protection from satanic evil influence
The couple may become tired and sleepless after the stressful day of wedding activities. For this reason, they may not be ready for sexual intimacy on the first night of the wedding. The newly married couple has all their life ahead of them for sexual relations and there is no need to be hasty in this regard. But they may, however, begin to be intimate with each other on the first night of the wedding if they feel comfortable. Whenever the husband and the wife make sexual approach to each other, they should read the common prayer that The Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) recommended at each intimate relationship between the two spouses.
Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Allah’s Messenger (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If anyone of you, when having sexual relation with his wife, say: ‘In the name of Allah! O Allah! Protect us from Satan and protect Satan from that with which You bless us (child).” And if they have a child (as a result of that sexual approach), Satan will not be able to harm the child” [Source of Hadeeth: Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim].
One important caution for the husband is never to doubt or have suspicion about his new wife’s virginity if it appears that she is not virgin. Baseless suspicion and evil thoughts about others are sin and forbidden in Islam. Chaste girls should not be suspected if the hymen is accidentally broken.
Allah (Most High, Glorious is He) says: “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions is sin.” [Surat Al-Hujurat, Verse: 12].
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated: The Prophet (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Beware of suspicion, for it is the worst of false tales, and don’t look for the other’s faults, and don’t spy, and don’t hate each other, and don’t desert (cut your relations with your kinship) one another. O Allah’s slaves, be brothers!” [Source of Hadeeth: Sahih Al-Bukhari].
Woman’s hymn, the fold of tissue or virginity membrane that partly covers the entrance to the female organ, can be broken in many ways including heavy menstrual flow, prolonged illness, falling, jumping, cycling and certain other sports. So, men should not always suspect their brides if the hymn is broken and believe that they committed fornication (Sinful sexual acts) before marriage.
Breaking of virginity does not pose any hardships for a lady and young man with normal qualities and the intercourse is completed with a little pressure especially when the lady had not been subjected to Female Genital Mutilation (F.G.M) during circumcision at young age. In cases of irritation or pain, applying some cream (like Vaseline) on genitals helps to ease the pain. Taking break from the intimacy for one day or two days is also recommended to have the pain subsided.
There is no need for panic if small blood comes out with the tearing of the girl’s hymn (membrane). It is not serious problem. It is something normal and safe which stops soon. However, the husband should not be cruel or unkind to his new wife if the sexual intimacy hurts her.
If the bride had been subjected to Female Genital Mutilation, the intercourse causes bleeding to her- sometmuch blood. In such situation, the husband should avoid any sexual intercourse with his wife until the injury is healed. If the bleeding does not stop, he should take his wife to a doctor for treatment. Some men believe that the injury of the woman’s female organ is healed with intercourse. This is cruel and ignorant belief and should not be practiced at all.
Jarir Bin Abdullah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: TheMessenger of Allah (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “He who is not merciful (kind) to people, Allah will not be merciful to him.” [Source of Hadeeth: Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim].
Author: Ibrahim Hassan Gagale
Email: Ibrahim_hg@yahoo.com
